Redefining Confidence: How to Own Your Story and Break Free
In this episode of Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself, I hosted Julie DeLucca-Collins, confidence coach and founder of Go Confidently Coaching, we explored how societal programming and harmful narratives shaped our sense of self as we grew up . Julie shared her personal journey of reclaiming her story, finding her confidence, and embracing her authentic self—insights that struck a powerful chord with me due to our shared experiences having grown up in two wildly different countries and cultures.
BUZZSPROUT
The Weight of Well Meaning “Compliments”
Have you ever had someone give you a compliment that made you feel like absolute shit? The backhanded ones that sound like versions of:
- “You’re so pretty for a heavy girl.”
- “You’re so modern for someone from the Middle East.”
- “Your English is so good for someone who grew up in Pakistan.”
On the surface, they may seem like compliments, but they reinforce societal biases and stereotypes that leave us feeling “less than.” For Julie, comments about her weight were framed as kindness but carried an undertone of judgment. For me, it’s the shock people express about my fluency in English, as if growing up in Pakistan meant I shouldn’t be capable of speaking it well. These statements not only reveal the underlying societal expectations of who we “should” be, they also plant and nurture the seeds of limiting beliefs we carry for years, influencing how we view ourselves and our potential.
Owning Your Story
Julie’s journey to confidence didn’t begin with being accepted or celebrated. It started with choosing to write her own story, using words that lifted her up rather than pulled her down. In our conversation she highlighted how she questioned the “coats” of limiting beliefs handed to her by others and deciding not to wear them anymore.
When we start rewriting the narratives we’ve been handed—those steeped in shame, doubt, or inferiority—we shift the power back to ourselves. Which is why Julie emphasizes the importance of not just reclaiming your story but doing so with authenticity and crafting a narrative that celebrates your identity, experiences, and uniqueness.
The Trap of Wanting to Be Liked
One of the hardest truths to accept is that not everyone will like you—and that’s okay. In our conversation, Julie and I talked about the trap of seeking validation from others, especially when embracing parts of ourselves that don’t conform to societal norms. I have always wanted so desperately to be liked, to feel like I belonged, like I was enough – so the fear that people wouldn’t take me seriously when I dyed my hair blue or embraced my “weird,” was paralyzing. Rightfully so, because once the changes started to happen, the pushback came swiftly—hate mail from strangers and condescending remarks from professionals like, “You lack the gravitas to be taken seriously.” It was soul-crushing, but it also revealed the deeper societal story: conformity equals success.
It felt shitty at the time, but during our conversation, Julie explained that though stepping into your authentic self can feel isolating, it’s also liberating. Yes, some people may be turned off by your authenticity, but those who resonate with your truth will find you. Creating space for your people while letting go of the need for universal approval.
Reclaiming Power Through Awareness
When negative self-talk arises, challenging its validity is a transformative act. Are you really not good enough, or is that a story someone else handed you? Are you truly incapable, or have you just internalized years of societal expectations? Julie highlighted a powerful question we can ask ourselves: “Is it real?” She shares how questioning her own inner critic allowed her to disrupt those patterns of thought. By gathering evidence of her strengths, she began to rewrite the narrative and reclaim her confidence.
Own Your Weird
This episode reminded me of the power of embracing your individuality, even when it feels scary. The reality is that being your authentic self won’t resonate with everyone—and that’s a good thing. By shedding the need for universal approval, you make space for the people who truly value you.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of someone else’s expectations, I encourage you to listen to the full episode, and definitely check out Julie’s TED Talk. Julie’s wisdom and journey are a testament to the power of stepping into your truth and living confidently, no matter what society has to say.
Catch the episode here: Own Your Weird
And if you’re ready to start rewriting your own story, connect with Julie at Go Confidently Coaching.
You deserve to live authentically—without the weight of anyone else’s coat.
About Julie
Julie is a highly sought-after TEDx speaker, business coach, and award-winning author dedicated to empowering entrepreneurs and leaders. Julie is a trusted advisor with a passion for helping women establish and expand their brands. She helps women strategize to grow their reach, get clients, and create consistent monthly income for business success. She is certified in Tiny Habits and as a Thrive Global coach, and she guides individuals toward lasting success through positive behavioral changes.
Julie’s book, published in September 2021, quickly reached #1 in multiple categories and won the Award for Leadership from the International Impact Book Awards. Her dynamic speaking engagements have captivated audiences on prominent media outlets such as ABC, NBC, and FOX. Julie also hosts the top-rated podcast Casa DeConfidence, co-hosting with her #hothandsomehusband, inspiring and educating listeners.
YOUTUBE